Log in

No account? Create an account
Recent Entries Friends Archive Profile Tags To-Do List
Tabula Rasa: Clean Slate

It has been a long time..

Avery long time.

Too long.

Today marks the turning point and a promise. You do not know me. You have never met me, and you know nothing about my character. Disregard all previous information you may have read. All of it is a lie. All that you have now is what I say now, and what I will say from this point forth. The child left behind in the countless pages prior to this has died. In his place is a new, suffering soul. Someone who has yet to see the world, but has been exposed to enough of it to know that he hates life. In fact, he carries disdain for his own existence, wishing it all away.

I suppose it's time for catching up then:

I had my birthday a while back.

I'm still not old enough.

I broke up.

In all senses of the term.

I broke up with someone and we became "just friends." 'What's wrong with friendship?' they ask. I could tell them a few things.

I also broke up mentally and emotionally. Aside from going to a dead-end no-future high school, and having no job, and the impending foreclosure of my house, I just can't wait to see what happens next. My mentality seems to darken every day. My jaded views start lashing out at others. I worry about my mental stability each and every day. Maybe I have reason to. Maybe I do not. I am a hypochondriac after all. All I know is that I have the greatest blessing: one friend in the world that matters to me. And for some reason...it is also my greatest burden. I care too much. I want more than I can have. More than I deserve. More than I should even fathom. Why he even sticks with me I do not know. I'm not even nearly his age, and yet there's very little I can do to try and stop thinking about him for even a few minutes. But I really don't want to talk about that right now...

There is a reason I chose to make this entry visible to everyone though. This is a new beginning, and as such, I am willing to give a chance for newcomers to see what's here. Who knows how I'm going to change, but after reading what you already have, would you really want to read my journal...?

To be honest, I miss writing in my journal. For a time, it was all I really had. Then I met JF, and everything changed. I realized that people can change who you are. They can change the way you feel, the way you think, how you act, what you do. We need people to become ourselves.

But at the same time, I hate them. Even if hate is a strong word, it is an accurate one. I feel so alone, and people seem so close. It's cruel really. I don't know what to do. And check me out if you want to: http://vortexgrey.deviantart.com/ </shameless>